RSS | Archive | Random


24. IU grad. about as lost as you are.

i hope to one day become a food writer, probably a food essayist.

i'm in love- with my friends, with my dreams, with my life.

i'm terrified of not knowing what's out there.

i hope i'm growing. i hope i never stop learning.


29 August 14

Final thoughts on this whole kerfuffle.


I’ve said my piece about my personal life and that holds true. I have zero interest in ever discussing my sex or love life publicly on other people’s terms. If you want answers about the particulars of a game developer’s private romantic entanglements, please ask yourself why you feel entitled to such a thing. As far as I’m concerned, the only people who have any business in knowing these things are the people they actually effect - and my current partner is aware.

Professionally, I feel like there are some things I can easily address though, now that things have begun to calm down.

Regarding the claim that I have exchanged sex for positive reviews. This has been investigated and debunked, and oh right, the review in question doesn’t even exist. Anything else written by Nathan in 2014, before we started dating, in which I am vaguely, tangentially mentioned at all has been the same tone and coverage as everyone else who covered it. There is no corruption issue here - if there was, you’d think there’d be some talk of massive AAA companies flying out and wining and dining games journalists rather than discussion of Phil Fish’s relationships. (warning: all of these links are screenshots and there’s a small sampling of the smorgasbord of fucked up shit in them) It’s almost like this whole scandal only blew up for reasons other than "corruption".

Regarding the claim that I doxxed and destroyed The Fine Young Capitalists, that is also incorrect. You can read that here in their own words. I know that when things kick up online it can be hard to sort out who did what, but aside from their own statement, there is zero evidence of this. What I did do was be critical of some of their policies on twitter, because as someone who has taught women game design and created programs to help them get started making their first games I get really passionate about this stuff. We have different approaches but share the same wish to get women involved with game development, and I wish them the best of luck in accomplishing that. Rebel Jam is not one of these programs and was totally unrelated to anything having to do with TFYC and came as a reaction to everything that was wrong about Game_Jam - but I will have some really exciting things to announce soon about it that I’ve been holding in for a while until paperwork clears and red tape is cut. Stay tuned.

Regarding the claim that I am the head of a massive conspiracy that is able to censor and shut down all major games press sites, 4chan, reddit, and god knows what else, I WISH that was true. God how cool would that be? A shadowy overlord of the internet, who is also kind of a cyborg? Shit that would be a good story. But that’s all it is - a story. Occam’s razor is still a thing. What is more likely, the pulp story of a lone woman manipulating the entire internet or that maybe, JUST MAYBE, other people can recognize this for the TMZ style bullshit it really is?

If you have any further concerns about what I stand for or if my role in the industry has been one for the betterment of other people, despite releasing a game pushing back against the stigma of mental illness for free on the biggest digital distribution platform, creating guides and programs to make game development more accessible to people of traditionally discouraged backgrounds, standing up for the image of future of indie games even at risk of getting sued back into the stone age, fighting for a better games culture where developers don’t have to fear consumers, experimenting with new formats of distributing free games, helping organize queer-friendly game jams; then I encourage you to watch me in the coming months. I am going to continue trying to break down barriers and disrupt the culture that enabled the abuse I’ve endured from the last two weeks from ever happening to anyone ever again. No more Phil Fishes. No more Anita Sarkeesians. No more Zoe Quinns. No more of the less known, less extreme cases where we don’t even notice or hear the voices disappearing. No more developers living in fear, afraid to speak their minds, afraid to be people, wondering when they might be next. This has always been my MO, this will continue to be so. I am going to keep doing what I do, I’m going to keep being a human with all the flaws and moments of brilliance that come with that, and hopefully I can work towards these goals with some level of effectiveness.

Time to get back to work. I love you all.

Don’t just scroll past this. #standwithzoe

Reblogged: ohdeargodbees

26 August 14

The Heart of the Gaming Community


Recently there’s been a new outpouring of misogyny and hate from certain sections of the gaming community. There’s an excellent analysis of the events on this blog, if you’re not caught up. I was strongly affected by one of the tweets featured in that article, from game writer Lana Polansky:


It makes me incredibly angry to hear about women working in this industry that are being ground down by harassment and abuse. I’m not putting up with this anymore. I’m furious that these abusive people exist. I wish I had more influence to speak out against them. What I know I can do is provide some moral support to those who are making a larger difference. So instead of outright venting, I decided to write about how proud I am of the people in this community who are standing up to this abuse, and why I believe in the future of this medium.


I’m not a developer, but a professional in the video game music industry. I arrange music for piano and small ensembles. From just the few people I’ve met, I know that the VGM industry is full of wonderful people. You know why? Because the work we do is a celebration of one of the best aspects of the medium – the music. Video games are full of problematic elements, but the music is something we can all be proud of. We can take that aspect aside, shine a spotlight on it and marvel at it’s brilliance. No-one can stop anyone else from enjoying that experience.

But I don’t do this to go on a never-ending nostalgia trip. I do it to bring novelty to a genre of music that I love, and the in-game experiences they represent. When I say “novelty” I mean the literal definition: the quality of being new, original, or unusual. This is the quality that a medium needs to grow, and that an industry needs to survive.

All art (including games) exists so that we can experience novelty and enrich our lives with new experiences, no matter who we are. Novelty challenges us, not only in our fiction, but in the day-to-day narratives of our lives and societies. Through story-telling, we can create safe spaces to explore familiar and unfamiliar ideas, situations and lifestyles. Through gaming, we can create literal simulations to explore our humanity with an even deeper focus. Whether creating or consuming games (or any art for that matter), we build on a tradition of encouraging novelty, connecting people and ideas, and creating a more enlightened world for subsequent generations.

When artists, writers and musicians decide to project their passion for gaming through their own unique personal lens, we come across the most exciting questions and ideas. To present these ideas or demands, is to insist that the industry keeps striving towards newness, and to include as broad a spectrum of people as possible, so that everyone feels welcome, represented, and encouraged to add their own stories to the medium. In this way, the medium never stops growing, and the stories that gaming can tell become limitless.


Why wouldn’t you want that? Yet, some people want less novelty, and more familiarity, insisting that the same stories continue to be told - and to the same people, ie: “Jack Dudebro is back, only this time he can literally shoot stubble out his own face! Press R1 to fire stubble, press L1 to recharge your stubble by thinking about your murdered wife.” Like a child who asks for the same bedtime story night after night, familiarity is comforting, but never challenging (and eventually, plain boring). If games no longer seek novelty, in fact if any artistic medium is done telling new stories, then it may as well be dead.

Once a person becomes apathetic towards or even afraid of novelty, refuses to listen to new stories, and even shouts down and abuses people who want to tell new stories – then they are actively contributing towards the decline of the industry they love, contrary to their claims of being a “true fan”.

When someone asks “Why not have a female character here? Why not have more POC characters?” and your response is to wail about how “your” pasttime is being forced to change, let me remind you why we are asking those questions: because we believe in the future of this industry. It has more stories to tell.

So my advice is this: seek out novelty. It’s literally everywhere. There are a lot of bad people who are screaming, abusing, and threatening us. It’s important to challenge them, and to try and be louder than them. But when your efforts leave you exhausted and defeated (and I can’t imagine how much willpower is required if you are a woman under their scrutiny), just take some time to look at some fanart, listen to a musical arrangement, or read an email from a fan. Individually, these are small things, but together they form the beating heart of this community. Recharge your mind by reminding yourself of how many wonderful people believe in the life and future of this industry. I’m proud to know so many of them.

Don’t give up!

Reblogged: caseyormond

Posted: 12:43 AM

Reblogged: dailydot

Posted: 12:42 AM

sengav said: Whats your thoughts on the whole Zoe Quinn thing


Officially, we stand with Zoe Quinn. It is our position that her personal life has nothing to do with her as a game developer. Allegations from her ex-boyfriend has nothing to do with games like Depression Quest and thus, this has nothing to do with our blog. Zoe Quinn has asked for her privacy to be respected and we are more than happy to do that. Her sexual history has nothing to do with gaming and the recent attacks on her for that is simply indicative of the misogyny that is rooted within gaming culture.

Reblogged: gamingfeminism

Posted: 12:41 AM


What’s happening to Zoe Quinn right now is fucking despicable. Fuck gamers, fuck video game culture. I want to burn it all to the ground and play my games in a vacuum.

This shitty sexist boys club needs to die a quick death. I hate how awful the people who share my hobbies are.

Reblogged: abominablethings

Posted: 12:17 AM


So let me get this straight. It is perfectly acceptable for JonTron to contribute to the abuse Zoe Quinn is suffering by sharing humiliating content of her with his thousands of followers and suggesting she’s too ugly or fucking whatever to cause a scandal, and for gamers in general to criticize women frequently for their physical appearance, but when I reciprocate and make one comment, ONE MEASLY COMMENT, I’m a DREADFUL human being who is UPHOLDING SOCIETY’S EMPHASIS ON BEAUTY. What double-standards? THERE ARE NOT DOUBLE-STANDARDS HERE DAMNIT. HOW DAR SUGGEST DOUBLE-STANDARDS. HOW DAR.

Oh and then people call me a cunt and criticize MY appearance whilst telling ME not to make “personal remarks”. Self-awareness. It’s a thing.

Here are the things that matter here:

1) A woman is being systematically abused, threatened and humiliated because of a post her ex-boyfriend wrote about her sex life that people are taking as fact. Nothing she could ever, ever do could warrant the abuse she is getting. EVER. That is the most important thing here.

2) Popular YouTube personalities are not addressing this, but instead suggesting she brought it on herself, because she was trying to “censor” criticism and is involved in “nepotism”. See my previous point. Even if she is guilty of ALL THE THINGS, it still does not warrant abuse, bullying, rape and death threats. It never, ever, ever will.

In JonTron’s case he is contributing to the harassment by sharing humiliating comics of Zoe and saying she’s “nothing to cause a twitter scandal over”. (If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out, Jon.)

3) JonTron ignored a tweet I sent criticizing his actions on this and instead retweeted the one I wrote in impetuous anger, intending to incite his followers to bully me into silence. Because he is cowardly. I am a young woman with 16 followers. He is a man with thousands and he can’t even face my actually very mild criticism of him. That’s pathetic, Jon. YOU are pathetic and cowardly. You victimize women. You are part of the problem. And if my mean comment about your face got you so upset, maybe you should consider another line of work.

He is actively contributing to people getting tormented and bullied. If he thinks he can just say things and that they won’t affect anything or incite aggression, check your fucking follower count and try again. You are being followed by some nasty, aggressive people, Jon. You’re pretty ignorant if you don’t think they will leech off of every bully-enabling action you make.


Things that do not matter here:

1) I got angry and made a mean comment about JonTron’s face.

Get it yet?

Reblogged: rubberbird

Posted: 12:15 AM

Anonymous said: I hate the whole "she slept her way to the top" when it comes to women in positions of power. ALOT of people truly believe this. There's usually at least one comment to that effect on any article involving a woman with alot of success. People like to pretend that they know what that person is doing with their sex life so that they don't have to feel intimidated by women who are already better then them. Thank you for shutting that shit down fast. She doesn't deserve the shit she's getting at all


I know. It’s always straight to that whenever a well-known woman’s sex life is discussed. People have sex with each other, and it’s usually with people the spend a lot of time with. Workplace romances are so common. Do you have any idea how many journalists are married to politicians? But they’re acting like this thing with Zoe is threatening their very way of life. Please.

Reblogged: smitethepatriarchy

Posted: 12:11 AM
It’s being referred to by those engaging in the harassment as the “Zoe Quinn cheating scandal,” a phrasing that implies, ridiculously, that the private relationship snafus and infidelities of a video game developer rise to the level of public interest. But even the misogynist harassers of the Internet know it’s a stretch to justify abusing someone for garden variety infidelity. So, in a desperate attempt to justify this nonsense, Quinn’s ex and the harassers are accusing Quinn of an “ethics” violation, accusing her, no joke, of using sex to get a favorable review from Kotaku.

The fact that the review she was accused of “buying” doesn’t exist hasn’t slowed the self-righteous haranguing, of course. That’s because the “ethics” question is a paper-thin excuse for what’s really going on, which is that the video game world is thick with misogynists who are aching to swarm on any random woman held up for them to hate, no matter what the pretext.

Reblogged: brutereason

Posted: 12:01 AM


Today is brought to you by the experience of waking up grimly certain that if the genders were reversed in the Zoe Quinn “scandal,” the headline would not be “dude trades sex for reviews,” but “lady trades sex for scoop.”

Anyone who thinks this story is about integrity and not punishing women for their presence is fucking delusional.

Reblogged: postcardsfromspace

5 August 14





boy, blowjobs sure are a mouthful

jeez, that pun was hard for me to swallow


thanks for your contribution

Reblogged: kristaaaaa

Posted: 3:15 AM
Gordo and me.
We’re boozy besties.

Gordo and me.

We’re boozy besties.

Posted: 3:10 AM


Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010) Lucas Lee Posters Dir. Edgar Wright

Reblogged: dorkvader

22 July 14
I’m hungry for travel
or something

I’m hungry for travel

or something

21 July 14

dear universe

I would very much like to speak with DJ again

but mostly have sex with him

if you could please pass along the message to him

and have him get back to me reasonably soon

I’d really appreciate it

since we’ve not actually had sex since that one time in early May

and I’d like to do the sex thing again


Lily, who enjoys being thoroughly screwed by DJ while he grabs me by the ankles

9 July 14
btw here look at me and my perfect hair

btw here look at me and my perfect hair

Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh